Mom – What’s in a name?

24/7/365 on call. No days off. In charge of cooking and cleaning (oh and that includes vomit and feces). Stylist, therapist (well at least you must be a good listener and give good advice), and entertainer. Most of your day is spent standing or bent over and occasionally you are required to stay up through the night. Also, the pay is $0.

Would you choose this job? 

I saw a video of people being interviewed for this job description (still not quite sure what that video was made for but anyways…)

You can see the video here ^^

With Mother’s day coming up, I have been thinking about what being a mom is all about. Any woman can give birth and be a mother but being a mom is so much more than that. Unfortunately here in South Korea they don’t celebrate mother’s day (sad face) but instead there is a parent’s day so I guess my first Mother’s day won’t be much.

Personally I have had a roller coaster relationship with my own mother. I guess many people with divorced parents can relate. When my parents first got divorced I was only a toddler, but I still remember that it sucked. I was always a daddy’s girl and therefore emotionally took sides and resented my mother. I would cry for my dad and act out for my mother often. Thinking back I was such a trouble maker. I pray that my daughter doesn’t do half of the crap that I did. Sorry mom. It wasn’t until I grew up that I really became close with my mom. I remember when I was in a car accident back in 2007 (when I also got diagnosed with diabetes). My mom literally drove from a different city to come be with me in the hospital.

When I became a mom myself, I looked at everything differently. There is so much that I was just oblivious to. My mom flew here from Canada when Tera was born to stay with me for a few weeks and help out. Honestly I didn’t expect her to be as helpful as she was (she is not really a baby person). The things she knew, the tips she gave, it made me realize what she had once done for me. I am grateful and these days we have become very close.

As messed up as my childhood was I was lucky that my dad also found another fantastic woman who is now my step mom. (he did lose a few points on his second wife that didn’t last long but made up for it with Leanne). She was there for me through the hardest stuff when I was younger.  When I was a teenager I could talk to her. She helped me through so much and was always (I mean always) there for me no matter what stupid thing I had done. I learned that blood is not the only thing that makes a mother.

Now these women are grandmothers. I can’t even imagine my little angel having kids of her own and what it would be like. Why does time go so fast? Wasn’t it just yesterday that I was graduating from high school? (11 years ago actually!) Speaking of grandmothers, my grandmother (on my mother’s side, unfortunately I never knew my father’s mother well) has been one of my favorite people my entire life. I grew up wanting to be like her. She is such a grounded, kind, intelligent, thoughtful, hard working and respectful person. (There are many more adjectives that would appropriately describe her but I think you get the point). She is a wonderful person.

They say there is only one reason that women would voluntarily destroy their bodies. Literally push around some organs and bones, stretch to double size and then rip and massacre the best parts. That is because after they give you a baby. It is an instinctual love that I don’t even want to try to describe. My writing is far too amateur to even begin.

Thinking back to just a year ago, I feel like I am a completely different person. Everything has changed. Things that were important to me before (wearing the latest trends, going out with friends to the hottest clubs, owning the coolest new devices) just seem so trivial now. I created a person. I am responsible for a life now. She needs me. Not just in an emotional sense but in a I am her food, I dress her, I bathe her etc. I used to be called a robot because I never got emotional. My husband would always shake his head because during super sad movies that made him cry, I would be totally unphased. Even at funerals I wouldn’t shed tears. Now that I am a mom I am so emotional. I cried happy tears the other day when she pooed (we were at the 14 day mark and the hospital told us day 15 she would need an enema if nothing came out #notfun). I can literally feel pain in my chest when she cries sometimes. When I couldn’t hold her when she was born… I don’t even have words for that feeling.

I guess what I am trying to get at is being a mom it changes you. You think differently, act differently and see the world differently. It is extremely hard but worth it. And I wouldn’t give it up for the world. Oh and I have only been doing this for 4 months, so props to all of you out there that are way more experienced than me. I can’t even start thinking yet about what baby #2 will do to me. You are tired, it doesn’t matter, you will find energy for her. Your back hurts, you still pick her up. You are sad, she doesn’t see it. She makes my world beautiful and happy. Every single day I wake up with a big smile because I am her mom.

I would like to end on a big thank you to my mom’s <3<3 I love you so much.

My mom and I (October 24 1988)
Daughter, mom, grandma (Jan.21 2017)
Me and my little T (March 28th 2017)

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